We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
