Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
