Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
