I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
