I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
