Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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