Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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