No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
