it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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