i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
