New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
