ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
