i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
