Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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