Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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