Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
