It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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