Quick, to the slutcave!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
