We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
two words: eviction party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
did i just pee glitter
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
