I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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