New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Church boner. Awkwardddd
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize