It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
