once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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