i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
