i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
