fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
