The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
