The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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