So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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