you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
