$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
