Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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