i think my tv is drunk
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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