seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Randomize
