the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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