Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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