She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
