Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
