Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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