When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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