The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
