Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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