the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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