If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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