i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize