I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
