I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
