I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
