True but thats because hes a fetus.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
