I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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