I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
