He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
