I don't usually arrange sex via text message
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Randomize