And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize