got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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