Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
