I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
FUCK WHALES
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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