You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
