maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
