K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
