Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
