Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
And then he peed in my hair
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