i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
