you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize