Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
