If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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