this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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