i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
