Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
