you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
