last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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