Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
