So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
