Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
