I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
