I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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