problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
