reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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