i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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