I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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