Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize