it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
