Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
