After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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