The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
